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i'm not wasting my time anymore... - My Life.

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June 26th, 2009


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08:33 pm - i'm not wasting my time anymore...

when you're a little kid you dream big! you sit in the backseat of your moms car, tucked safely into your car seat and you've never felt more safe. looking out the window at the world flying by, your minds in a million places at once. you dream of your future. of becoming a snake wrangler, a police officer, prince charming at disney world, or the king of pop and all those possibilities are things you believe you can do...when you grow up. the only music you hear is the classical or country cassette your mom has pushed into the player and it means nothing to you...not yet anyway. the world is yours for the taking. there is no fear of failure. the word can't hasn't crept its way into your vocabulary yet so there is no worry in your mind, you are untouchable. when you're a teenager you've begun giving up on your big dreams. you start feeling like a failure because nothing you do seems to please anyone. so you stop doing the things that make others happy. you start doing exactly what you think is the right thing to do. the things that you will remember for the rest of your life. the things that will define your years as a teenager as the best years of your life. you start sneaking out to be with the people your parents dislike because they are the people that make you feel alive. the word can't has become a part of your life. but it has also become the exciting limit you can't wait to cross. your dreams become your "summer to do list". three months is all you have each year to accomplish the things that will make your year. life is laid out on the road before you and you can't wait to grab hold of it going 100 miles per hour. moments are slowly turned into memories and all your childhood dreams are clouded over with the next puff puff pass. life suddenly turns into a "what else is out there" game and everyone is ready to play. the coloring book pages that used to cover your walls have been replaced by posters and pictures of the people you've grown to love because somehow the music they write makes you feel less alone. life is a maze. you no longer want to sit in the backseat let alone have your mom in the car. life whizzes by faster than ever and there's no longer a car seat holding you in and you find yourself fearing every turn and change. you don't want to think about your future because you stopped thinking about it when you realized your dreams were unreachable and now there is nothing to look forward to...you think. "these are the best years of your life" this should be told to  you when your seven...not seventeen.

Current Mood: scaredscared

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